“It was swept under the carpet. I just felt embarrassed and very isolated.”
To hear Arsenal legend Kelly Smith, regarded by many as England’s greatest-ever female footballer, reflect on the struggles she had with her mental health in her career outlines just how much has changed. That is not only reflected in the emphasis on mental well-being in sport today, but how the conversation has evolved too.
Smith, who retired four years ago, speaks to Goal amid a quickly-changing landscape, in a year when some of the biggest sports stories have centred around the mental health of the world’s greatest athletes.
Tennis star Naomi Osaka has been incredibly open about her mental health. U.S. women’s national team forward Christen Press is currently taking a break from playing for her own well-being, as is England cricketer Ben Stokes.
Meanwhile, gymnast Simone Biles’ withdrawal from the team final and the women's individual all-around at Tokyo Olympics was one of the stories of the year. She returned days later and won a bronze on beam, a medal she described as her most meaningful one given the circumstances.
The impact of these stars speaking about such a topic cannot be underestimated. It’s helping to normalise a conversation that Smith is very passionate about.
“I praise her for speaking up," Smith tells Goal of Biles. "Her life was at risk because of the complexity of the moves and the dynamic stuff that she was doing.
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“It’s a strong thing to do, to speak up and say you're struggling. It's not a weak thing. I applaud her for doing that and coming back into it after she spoke to people and she got her mind right. It's nothing but praise from me.
“When you see those high-profile people, you think their life is all glorified and nothing is going wrong, [but] there are problems in certain people's lives. [Them speaking out] just normalises it.
"The fact that these role models and icons are going through something and they speak out about it, which then I guess makes everyone a little bit more reassured that it's okay if they're going through something. They can see them and they say, ‘Oh, well, I'm going through something’, and they speak to someone.”
Smith’s passion for encouraging people to speak about their problems not only lies in her past struggles, but in the role she now holds as a patron for the charity dedicated to a young woman that she sadly never got to meet.
Kelly Hewitt was 24 years old when she took her own life in 2018. We Mind & Kelly Matters is the charity created in her memory, with its website describing her as “the last person” you would think was struggling. “Kelly was always the life and soul of any party; she always wore a big smile and had a huge heart and she would do anything for anybody.”
Kelly was a huge Arsenal fan and Smith was her idol, which prompted her parents to write to Smith and ask her if she’d like to be involved. “I was just so taken aback by it,” the former England international says.
This week, to mark Mental Health Awareness Day, it was announced that BK8, the betting company for whom Smith is an ambassador, would donate £15,000 to the charity. The money will pay for counselling and help so many who are struggling, just as Kelly was.
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“It's just about raising awareness and knowing that if people are struggling, there is a charity or a hotline that they can call and speak to because I think when you're in that moment of being isolated and depressed, it's a very lonely time,” Smith says.
“Life is not easy at times, you can get lots of setbacks, and hurdles, and it's how you deal with them and try to stay positive. But for some people, it can hit you quite hard.
“It is about opening up and talking when you’re going through those struggles, to offload a problem. It really makes life a little bit easier when you when you offload it to somebody else. You can't just hold it all in all the time. Speaking to others is crucial, for me.
“It's not just footballers, celebrities - it's anybody across any workforce that can go through tough times. I'm really, really honoured and proud to be a part of this charity. It's dear to my heart and if I can get some money into the charity to help other people, then it just brings a lot of joy to my heart, because I've suffered in the past.
“If I can give back and help, if that's just a small piece that I can do, it's brilliant.”